i've been preservering. things got a bit desperate and sad even. people who i have kept not so close to me in recent months were noting how despondent i appeared. i shook it off and kept indulging in my desires and instant gratification. i'm a smart girl and i know better, i just really believed it was for the better. i believe a lot of people do foolish things for flimsy principles and avoid seeing and experiencing rare things. i never hold myself back. i don't know if that helped me or hindered me.
all i can say is i'm here now, and i like it, i like it a lot.
i'll always have that core of me, i can't help it. i get anxious if i am not my best at everything. so anxious sometimes that i just can't do anything because i am so scared of not doing my best. but i am becoming a completely different person now than i was six months ago.
"is this the end? or just the start of something, really really beautiful wrapped up and disguised as something really really ugly?"
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